What does I Love You really mean
by mjf2468
Summary: What are Felicity and Oliver's views and thoughts regarding that "I love you" in the mansion in the season 2 finale? Separate chapters for both viewpoints, written in first person.
1. Felicity's thoughts and views

Summary: Felicity's thoughts and reactions to the "I love you" in the mansion during season 2 finale. Written in the first person.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters owned by CW, etc. No copyright infringement intended

We were standing on the beach of Lian Vu, with the sun bouncing off of the ocean like thousands of sparkly diamonds. The sky was my favorite shade of blue (That shade of blue? Also the color of Oliver's eyes, coincidentally). Like I told my two friends, the island could be very beautiful. If you did not think about the few stories Oliver had told us over the past year.

Diggle made me discuss my feelings regarding that scene at the mansion last night. Well, 'made me' is up for interpretation. It basically comes down to the fact of him asking me, and me telling him. No thumbscrews were involved. Anyhow, he suggested that at some point, I ask Oliver to clarify his feelings about that statement. Yeah, _that _statement. Digg thinks that Oliver meant it when he told me he loved me. Me? Not so sure. I mean, it was all meant to be part of the plan to misled Slade into thinking I was the most important woman in Oliver's life. Thinking that Oliver could really care about me that way? Unthinkable.

So here we are, standing at the water's edge, like some kind of lovelorn couple in a bad rom-com movie, and I had to work up the courage to ask him. And me, in my typical nerdy fashion, stumbled over my words. Like always.

"When you told me you loved me, you even…had me fooled. " Pause. "For a second. I thought maybe you might have meant it. What you said." Another awkward pause. "You…you really sold it."

Oliver stood there looking at me with that blank look on his face he gets when he does not know whether to lie or say nothing.

After I finished stumbling over my words, Oliver finally responded. "We both did." He smiled that thin-lipped smile he gives when he is attempting to hide his true feelings.

No confession of love. No denial. No analysis of what had happened. Just a short sentence, a nod, a look. That was it. Which is his usual go-to behavior when he is uncomfortable.

When I had started this conversation, what did I want to find out? Had I really, really wanted to know? I guess not; otherwise I would have pushed the issue. Why I let Oliver go without saying what he was thinking, with no apology for doing what he did, or how he did it, or if he really had meant it. I let him get away with his typical Oliver behavior when he does not want to lie or tell the truth. I let him keep quiet, listening intently, and finally, grudgingly, grunts something at the end.

Looking into those blue eyes, feeling like they could still reach to the bottom of my soul, I just could not do it. I just could not press the issue, and change what we had. Oliver will do that when he is ready. He is obviously not ready at this time. For whatever reason, and knowing him, I think I know the reason, he just cannot allow himself to be truly happy with someone he really deserves.

He probably is still under that stupid illusion that he is not worthy of love, like he had told me following the 'Russia incident'. That he is too broken, too dark, to be in a truly loving relationship. A relationship that goes the distance.

He will, someday, and when that happens, I will still be there. I have total and complete faith that it will happen. That _we_ will happen.

AN: Thank you for reading. If you like, please pretty please leave a review!


	2. Oliver's thoughts and views

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters owned by CW, etc. No copyright infringement intended

AN: Now we have Oliver's point of view.

I don't really know what I was thinking. But I had nothing left to give. She had helped me realize that I had to keep trying until we succeeded in beating Slade. When I looked into Felicity's bright blue eyes, radiating such confidence in me, I began to hope again. Felicity also had given me the idea of what to do. "Make him outthink you," were her words.

So, why did I think that the plan would work? How could I risk this beautiful, innocent ray of sunshine in this plan? It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, to turn off my heart and allow her to be in danger. Probably the most danger she has ever been in, which is saying something considering all of our missions over the past two years. But I knew what she would have said if I had had the guts to ask her with words, instead of with looks and actions. She would have said it was her life, her choice. She might have even been flattered, even proud, that I was allowing her to take such a risk.

Felicity has not commented on it, but I wonder if she was thunderstruck like I was that I would even consider placing her at such risk without a second thought. Especially since I almost had a coronary the last few times she had gone into the field. And this time, with Slade? I guess I went numb, because once I thought of this ridiculous plan, I did not hesitate. I acted with the cold calculation of an army general, sending troops into battle and certain death, for the sake of millions.

I have thanked God every day that we were successful. It really was miraculous that none of us was seriously injured, especially Laurel, Felicity and myself, with that last confrontation.

Now, the nightmare of what could have gone wrong that night has now joined my other nightmares of the island in the almost nightly routine of my awful sleeping patterns. The dread of such nightmares is only equaled to the pain of remembering our conversation on the beach of Lian Vu. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, to not say anything in response to Felicity's most adorable ramblings in her attempt to discover whether I truly had meant those words in the mansion that night. That one night that has indeed changed everything.

I had not allowed myself to think beyond the ramifications of my actions that night, because I was not sure any of us would survive. At the time, I thought it was pointless, worrying about any ramifications of that "lie". The lie that was actually more truth than I ever wanted to let on.

I was not even going to add the "I love you" at the end. That was me going off script. All I could think of at that moment was whether I would ever see her again, and if I could bear the thought of never telling her how I felt. How I really felt.

So that statement slipped out. And the fleeting look of total, unrestrained happiness that I saw in Felicity's eyes, followed by the disappointment that followed when she realized that it was only an act almost killed me.

Now that I have had the time to think about it all, I wonder what kind of man I am to use the feelings of a good friend against her in such a cold-blooded way, even in order to be victorious against an enemy. How I could still occasionally be that same, callous individual who had returned from the island two years ago, despite how her friendship, her loyalty, her faith in me have been changing me. In my less dark times, I realize how much I have grown in the past two years, how much I have healed, but this experience has shown me how much further I have to go in order to be the man that is worthy of such a treasure as Felicity.

I just hope that I can become that man someday.


End file.
